“Life is full of surprises, but the biggest one of all is learning what it takes to handle them.” - Deborah Wiles

Surprises...

How do you feel about surprises? For me they are challenging. I have shared before that I am a bit of a control freak at times. So surprises, by their very nature, can be unsettling. But in a way I love the shake up. I asked this for a specific reason today. How have you been surprised thus far in 2024? I have had several, some fun and some not so great. The pleasant surprises have included a couple of new friendships that seemingly came out of nowhere and the pride that comes from watching your adult children thrive. The less than pleasant surprise has been the challenge with selling my home. It feels delayed in some way and that is unsettling. It seems as if the delay is being somehow cosmically orchestrated and so I am simply trying to release and go with the process (not much choice otherwise). Regardless, May is approaching and with it comes the change of season from a busy spring to lazy summer days. What are you hoping for this summer? I personally am hoping to find the best of myself that has felt lost for the last couple of years. Perhaps you can relate?

After your relationship ended, did you feel discombobulated and lost? If so, please know that this is exactly where you should be emotionally. I’m not sure why people seem to think that when you become uncoupled, whether by choice or not, that you remain unchanged. It truly changes everything about you. The complete and total human feeling can disintegrate into an emptiness or incomplete feeling that can be really hard to shake. But the good news is that you can enjoy happy surprises. You can take control of those feelings and you can rise above them reaching further than you ever imagined. I’m going to tell you a little story about two of my favorite people. They are both young women who married men they thought were their forever people. Both of them were wrong. One married straight out of high school, became a military wife stationed so far from anything and anyone familiar to her that she completely immersed herself into her marriage. Soon she was a young mommy as well. What seemed to be a strong relationship between two young lovers soon became a prison of sorts. She was busily trying to make a home for her young family, and he was growing more sullen and angry by the day. It was as if their child was competition for him and he didn’t like sharing the spotlight of her life. 

The other young woman waited on marriage a bit, completed a couple of years of college and met the man of her dreams, or so she thought. Like her friend, she invested herself completely in this young man. Only he wasn’t quite as invested. He enjoyed controlling her environment and her time. He subtly isolated her from her friends and her family. He was snuffing out the light in her eyes, but it was insidious and slow. She was losing her spirit and with that, she lost her identity. 

Both of these young women were strong personalities, full of spirit and light. Then the people they trusted the most tried to snuff it out and were almost successful. But this isn’t one of those sad stories that ends with heartbroken women who were unable to recover and thrive. Nope! Both of these young women have gone on to heal their hurts, rediscover their own passions and interests, create very full lives taking no prisoners, tolerating no bullshit, and thriving! How did they do it? They took some very strong steps and they leaned into the surprises that life held for them. Do I sound proud? I am over the top watching them grow and bloom into the beautiful lives they deserve! So, let’s dive into their methods.

Number one, they decided to move forward. It wasn’t easy for either of them, but they chose to steel themselves for the blows to come (and there were many) and move forward. They took their time and learned what they like and dislike again. They experimented with different looks, different foods, different experiences and then they chose what felt right for them in the space they are occupying right now. They tried not to waste too much time revisiting the past. Both divorced their respective spouses (one with a bit more drama, one with more gnashing of the proverbial teeth). One was grieving the loss of her dad simultaneously. The other was grieving the loss of a stable family for her young son. Both were hurt and frightened, but they stood their ground and they not only survived. They grew and expanded their worlds. They both took lessons from the hurt and made choices to never walk those roads again. They each made personal decisions regarding boundaries and expectations. And they chose living life instead of hiding in the darkness. 

Number two, they allowed themselves to dream again. They each had a quiet place deep inside that never lost its spark. That spark became a flame that spurred them on to follow their dreams. One wanted to be a stable homeowner for her son. The other wanted to grow her own business into a profitable creative outlet. Surprises came and they were able to follow those dreams into reality. Today, one owns a home, and her son has his very own room and a safe space to grow up and explore the world. Her home has become a haven instead of a prison. She controls the environment and activities in her home, rather than being controlled by circumstances in her life. She is creating a nurturing and soft place for her son and the people she invites into her world. The other has a thriving photography business that continues to grow exponentially each year. The joy she brings to families permeates through her soul. But more than that, she values the gift that she is able to share with the world. She has worked hard to nurture this gift and the results are incredible. She has not only grown a business, but she has also grown her confidence and her belief in the goodness of people again. She has grown a community.   Both of these young women accepted the surprises along the way, made the most of their opportunities as they presented themselves, and used their obstacles to believe even more fiercely in themselves. 

Finally, they each opened their hearts to possibilities. They remained open to accept the surprises that came wrapped in odd packages at times. They entertained the possibility that they could grow enough to love again. They learned to appreciate their friends and themselves enough to enjoy random moments. They dropped their guards and allowed themselves to be vulnerable and open to the weaknesses in themselves, each other, their families and in strangers. In doing this, they learned that everyone is on a shared path and sometimes, out of the blue, a special soul shows up to surprise you. They both have found wonderful people to share their lives with, but this time they are more complete. They are not searching for someone to complete them and fill in the voids. They fill their own gaps, and they allow their partners to fully express themselves as well. They are healthy this time. And it shows. 

I share this with you today because I want you to see that it is possible to move forward, to thrive and to learn to enjoy living. Embrace the surprises life throws at you and learn to laugh again. It feels good to move out into the sun and entertain your dreams. It isn’t an easy process, but it feels so good when you choose to participate in life again. So for today, please find something that brings you joy and do more of it. Give yourself permission to live fully. You deserve it and you are worth it. In case no one else is around to tell you this, you are so loved and so valued. Be well my friends!